Chapter One - Isn't There A Better Way

Part Three

A HEART MADE NEW

I was seveteen years old when my relationship with Kelly ended. I walked away askng,"Is this how it's supposed to be?" I felt discourage, confused, and desperate for an alternative to the cycle of short-term relationships in which i found myself.
For the first time i really began to question how my faith as a Christian affected my love life. There had to be more to it than "don't have sex" and "date only Christian." What did it mean to genuinely care about the girls i knew? What did it feel like to really be pure - in my body and my heart? And how did God want me to spend single years? Was it merely a time to try out different girls romantically? Was dating such a good idea for me?
Books like Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot and long talks with my dad and mom began to change my perspective. Slowly, and in spite of my resistance, God was peeling away layer after layer of wrong thinking, wrong values, and wrong desires. Some people who hear about my decision not to date till i'm ready for marriage assume that my heart must've broken. No, my heart was made new by my Savior(Jesus). The change in my attitude was the result of realizing the implications of belonging to Him(Jesus). The Son of God died for me! He came to free me from the hopelessness of living for myself. That had to change everything - including my love life. Having a girlfriend was no longer my greatest need. Knowing and obeying Him(Jesus) was. I wanted to please Him in my relationships even if it meant looking radical and foolish to other people - even if it meant kissing dating goodbye.

THIS IS LOVE

I've come to understand that God's lordship in my life doesn't merely tinker with my approach to romance - it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently; He wants me to think differently - to view love, purity and singleness from His(Jesus) perspective, to have a new lifestyle and a new attitude.
The basis of this new attitude is God's love for us. John explains the connection between God's love and the way we relate to others in
1 John 4:10-11(Bible Verses)

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son, Jesus, as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Do you see what John is saying? God's amazing love for us at the cross provides both the example and the power for us to love others. Peopl whose sins have been forgiven through faith in Jesus' death on the cross can't live or love the same ever again. We've been set free from our old self-centered life. We used to be controlled by God's love.
In 2 Corinthians 5:14;15(Bible Verses), Paul writes:
For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that One(Jesus) has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who their sake died and was raised.

The Bible teaches that if we truly trust in Jesus Christ, we die to our old way of living. And we can no longer live for ourselves - we now live for God and for the good of others.
Because of that, relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about "having a good time" or learning what i want in a relationship." They're not to be about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there's nothing in it for us. To want that person's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her.
So whether or not we take a break from dating, if our dating is controlled by Christ's love it will look so radically different that the relationships around us that we'll want to come up with a differnt name for it!
In recent years, i've tried to let God's love as displayed at the cross define the way i love members of the opposite sex. This kind of love leads to some very practical changes in the way a person approaches relationships. Personally, i've come to some pretty intense conclusions for my life. I've come to realize that while friendships with the opposite sex are great, i have no business asking for a girl's heart and exclusive affections if i'm not ready to consider marriage. Until i can do that, i'd only be using that girl to meet my short-term neeeds, not seeking to bless her for the long term. Would i enjoy having a girlfriend right? You bet! but i wouldn't truly be loving her and putting her interests first.
As i've sought God's will for my life, i've discovered that a relationship wouldn't be best for me or for the one i'd date right not. Instead, by avoiding romantic, one-on-one relationships before God tells me i'm ready, i can better serve girls as a friend, and i can remain free to keep my focus on the Lord.
So even though i'm not romantically attached, i'm loving the girls in my life more than i ever did in the past. And not with the selfish kind of love i practiced so often in the past. I'm loving them based on what God says is truly loving.
True love isn't just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid.